Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Vaastu Expert!

It seems like this is the age of Vaastu Shastra or rather the self styled Vaastu experts!! Homes are being redesigned and sometimes, even demolished and rebuilt, to get the “vaastu vibes” right! In the ultimate analysis, it appears that it’s the Vaastu experts whose kitty is brimming. A recent experience at the office only went to strengthen this proposition.

We were bursting at the seams at the 250 sq. ft. cubbyhole called office with vakils, books, papers and clients vying for space. And one fine day, the boss decided that it’s time to move to a new place. A new place was identified in due course and after a visit to the premises, it was unanimously approved by all and sundry. My mind’s eye conjured up visions of plush cubicles, conference rooms and what not!

And then, enter R, the Vaastu Expert! The entire office layout was converted into a vaastu diagram and after much shaking of the head, R pronounced his verdict! Grave forecasts were made if we were to proceed with our plans, without first satisfying the Vaastu Purusha (he’s the Vaastu God, if you don’t know)!! After enough fear had been instilled in my boss’ mind about the negative vastu in the building, R proceeded to “design” the office! What turned out wasn’t anywhere near what I had conceived in my mind as an office. There were no cubicles but just tables and chairs which weren’t really perfectly positioned. The birth stars of each of us in the office were also taken and accordingly our seating positions determined. Pyramids, umbrellas, mirrors (of all shapes and sizes) were strategically positioned on the walls to please the Vaastu Purusha!!

After the initial shock and having resigned myself to fate, I had presumed that it couldn’t get any worse. R, however, seemed to have other plans. Until then I had always thought that vaastu shastra merely concerned itself with the building construction and the positioning of various things in a building. But it appears that the Vaastu Purusha is colour conscious too! The colour scheme which R now proceeded to outline for the office left us all in a state of daze. Each room was given a specific colour, which by itself isn’t extraordinary. But dark yellow and pink aren’t exactly colours which one associates with an office. Of course, there was blue and white too! R gave special attention to the boss’ room initially and arrived at a colour scheme where three different shades of blue would rise up from the floor to the ceiling. A mere mention of this scheme brought hiccups to the boss and R reluctantly condescended and gave an alternate scheme – a single shade of blue dotted with little green flowers!

Having poked fun at my boss about the colour of his room, I realized that I wasn’t faring any better. The room in which I was to sit was allotted the colour yellow. While there are different shades of yellow, some of which I don’t find any fault with, R chose the darkest shade available. If you are familiar with the colour of autos in Madras, you would know what my room colour is! The boss’ wife took some mercy on me and ordered a couple of coats of white over the yellow, which tempered the effect a little, but only just. Now, anything and everything in my room looks yellow to me. The full import of the expression, “to look at things with a jaundiced eye” has only dawned upon me now!!

Having settled down in the new office, we now console ourselves by referring to each room as the “blue room”, “yellow room”, “pink room” and the like, a privilege, which I believe only the White House enjoys. The last word on the subject was, however, had by a colleague of mine when he said that we should rechristen our firm as “Rainbow Associates”!!